Self care is a lot harder to achieve than what people think.

Self care requires someone who is normally selfless to become selfish, and for them to think about themselves even though they are always thinking about others.

That is the struggle I run into. The moment I think I am ready to finally put myself first I end up falling short because, "he needs me", "do you need me to come get you?", "forget about me, how are you doing?". I end up never really paying any needed attention to myself so nothing really gets solved.

Another day, another good cry.

Another time, I'm not paying attention.

There is this overwhelming need for me to put others before myself. Which is why if a friend asks me to do something and I just want to lay in bed, i"ll go. Or if a coworker needs a day off I'll come in, even if I haven't had a day to myself in 6 or 7 days.

Everyone else HAS to be okay, even people I seemingly don't even know. I've made up this story that their world just might end if they don't get their coffee in under 5 minutes so I have to go in.

And then I suffer.

So everyone always talks about self care and how important it is. I whole heartedly agree. I can imagine what my self care looks like. A cozy coffee shop, a good book, my phone on do not disturb-- but how do I even begin to feel like I deserve it? How in the world do I rewire my brain to tell myself that it is okay not to think about others for a moment. Maybe just for an evening. How do I stop my mind from racing?

Everyone talks so heavily about how important self care is, but no one ever gives advice as to how to truly achieve it. No one tells you that it will require you to really commit to changing such core qualities about you. And they really don't tell you how difficult it is to truly achieve.

I need help.