Falling in love at 15 was the best thing I ever did.
I know, that seems strange, “You don’t know that love is!” Trust me, I did, and since then, I have an even better understanding of it now.
He was different than past boyfriends and someone that was outside my inner circle, so after constant, “You should give him a chance,” from my best friend I finally gave in. We dated on and off for almost two years and I sincerely thought out of any one I had ever dated, he would be the one to make it. I sincerely loved him, and couldn’t envision my life without him.
Well of course all good things must come to an end. And they did, brutally. But the break up wasn’t what was so hard for me to get over. He was already with someone else, almost like he hadn’t even been dating me at all. He calls her his first love, told her he loved her within weeks, and completely changed. No I’m not miss innocent either. I thought no one was going to love me again, so I attached myself to the guy who claimed he was in love with me and had planned to get over my depression that way (now that was a mistake). I was depressed for a good six months. I barely ate, my friends had to coax me out of bed with incentives like, “I’ll pay” and his name was branded with the evilness of Lord Voldemort. Then one night, something magical happened.
I decided, that I would no longer be unhappy.
I mean what is the point? I broke up with him, and I had a very good reason to, our relationship was toxic, it wasn’t going to last. So why did I want him so badly? Truth be told I didn’t really. I wanted the idea of him and I didn’t want to share this idea of him with any one else. He was happy with who he was with now and nothing was going to change that. Why would I stay up crying all night for someone who didn’t want me? I wasn’t, not anymore.
I’m glad that I am no longer with him, or even talk to him, because I know that I deserve better. It’s times like these that we figure out our worth. To finally say that we are worth it to move on and be happy. I decided on that magical night to come back stronger. To not take shit from anyone and to live my life without anyone else’s approval. I was going to give up a lot for this kid and I no longer had to. I once again became in control of my life.
And it felt amazing.
If it wasn’t for him, and her, I wouldn’t be picking my friends more wisely. I wouldn’t be picking who I date more wisely. I would probably still be naive in thinking that everyone is going to treat me exactly how I want to be treated. That love lasts forever. He taught me that no matter how much time you invest in someone, they can always turn on you in the blink of an eye. He taught me that you can’t make someone want you. He taught me to dig a little bit deeper when getting to know someone. And he taught me to not date someone on my friends request.
And if it wasn’t for him, I would never have the amazing guy I do now.
You live and you learn.
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