Lack of Accountability; My 22nd Year

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October 9, 2018

“a lot of times
we are angry at other people
for not doing what
we should have done for ourselves

– responsibility”

― Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers

 

Accountability meant that the world was no longer against me.

For me, it meant that I was going to have to start answering to myself. When I woke up every morning upset because the day before got me no closer to my goals, I blamed every one, but me. I never wanted to accept the fact that it was my fault that I was so unhappy. The accountability I so desperately needed, was nonexistent.

Because the fact of the matter is, it was.

Something so simple like getting up every morning to walk. That’s it, just walk around the block to do healthy movement every day wasn’t being accomplished. Why? I honestly don’t know. I would think it and I would tell myself I needed to, but I just wouldn’t do it. Then that night I would lay in bed and go, “Oh it was only one day I’ll do better tomorrow.” But then I wouldn’t.

Why?

Because of work, or because I needed to eat, or because there just wasn’t enough time in the morning to do anything.

Now take that same concept, and apply it to every thing I ever tried my 22nd year.

It’s so unfortunate, because I am a dreamer. I dream about all of these really amazing things and about me accomplishing so many amazing things but the accountability that is required in order to make any of those dreams a reality was severely lacking.

my-accountability

So for my 23rd year, I just want to try harder.

I want to hold myself accountable for actually following my dreams. I don’t want to go to bed every night thinking I’ve done my best when I know deep down that I haven’t. I don’t want my 23rd year to be filled with excuses. I don’t want to constantly blame others for my inability to see things through.

I don’t want to be stuck forever.

So for my 23rd year I made a declaration. I acknowledged all of my goals, and told myself that this would be my year. The accountability I need is within me. I just need to use it.

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