I haven’t had a good cry in a while.
In fact, I can’t remember when the last time I even cried in general. I think it was the last time my boyfriend and I were arguing, but that was weeks ago. I think I have conditioned myself not to cry. I always tell myself that there are much worse things happening, and that things could be worse for me. The little things that hurt my feelings isn’t going to matter soon, so why even bother with shedding a tear. The problem with that is, soon enough there was never a good enough reason to cry. I was bottling everything up, and then breaking down just at the point of possibly losing my sanity, just to bottle them up again.
But I don’t believe breaking down is such a bad thing.
I’m going to be honest with you, I had one of those breakdowns yesterday. I had been talking about my problems, but it hadn’t mattered. My feelings were deeply hurt and after weeks of the same incident occurring over and over again, I finally screamed, cried, slammed a door, cried some more and screamed one more time. I had reached my breaking point, but this time, it felt good.
Now I know that sounds weird. How can something that was causing so much pain and anger be good for you? Easy. It got me to cry.
It’s like a do over button. I got to cry and let out all the terrible emotions that had been living in my body. However, as I was sitting there, wondering what to do next, I couldn’t help but want to take a bubble bath. I wanted to dye my hair a different color and drink some tea. I wanted to go back to my blog and think of ways to do better. The cry had revamped my brain. I was on Super Cat mode and I wanted to conquer the world.
I wanted to do so much for myself after I cried. I felt better knowing that I was about to fight twice as hard to do better for my life. I didn’t want to feel worthless anymore, I wanted to believe in myself again.
I cried for about 10 minutes yesterday. I have been crying periodically throughout the day. I even have some tears as I am writing this post. But I also know that everything is going to be okay. I had my bubble bath, caught up on the latest in Game of Thrones (OMG Jon Snow?!), cleaned my room, turned on my favorite playlist in Spotify (Afternoon Acoustic for the win), lit a candle, and am now googling ways to bring more traffic to my blog.
I’ve had a pretty productive day, proof, that a good cry is exactly what the doctor ordered.
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