Finding Yourself After an Abusive Relationship

Abusive Relationships Suck.

That we all know. Someone has decided to tear you down to either make them feel better about themselves or because they are terribly insecure. Either way, you deserve better. I was in one for months, until I finally just said enough. It wasn’t easy, and I slipped up and went back to him sometimes, but at the end of it all I finally was able to let him go and move on. Sometimes its hard to even know that you’re in an abusive relationship because you brush it off or say, “Well they didn’t hit me.” but unfortunately, abuse isn’t just physical. His weapon of choice with me was verbal. The things he would say to me would make me feel so terrible about myself. I was already struggling with my self esteem at the time, and he just made it so much worse.

But I needed him. Or at least I thought so.

He was the one that was taking me out and making me get out of bed everyday. If it weren’t partly for him, I honestly don’t know how I would have coped with everything that was happening to me. I thought if I didn’t have him, I would never have anyone. So I would constantly brush off all the terrible things he would say, suck it up, and go back. Every. Single. Time.

I had no idea how much he was hurting me until it was too late.

Once I had finally gotten to the point where I didn’t see him everyday I was able to detach myself from him. I thought that would be all I needed to do. That everything would be okay once I took that step.

I was so so wrong.

That’s just the beginning. Once he was out of my life I realized all that was left of me was a pretty smile that had no substance behind it. I held no value for myself anymore. I was constantly crying and didn’t really talk to anyone. If I didn’t already know you, there was a good chance I would never open myself up to know you. I barely laughed, and even my family could tell that I just wasn’t myself. I had an uphill battle back to myself, and it took a good year to make it back there.

But here I am.

Getting away is the first step, but once you’ve decided you aren’t going to take their shit anymore, that’s when you have started to take back the control. I started throwing myself into the things I loved and finding new things to do. I listened to a lot of music. I took a lot of long car drives blasting music and singing at the top of my lungs. I started focusing on my dreams since my future had drastically changed. I started finding ways to focus on me. I was falling in love with myself again. Those things he had said weren’t true, I wasn’t a monster, I cared for others, I could have friends, I was important, I was beautiful. I didn’t need him.

And every time he tried to come back, I laughed in his face.

I’ve been told by a lot of people that I am close to that I am one of the strongest people they have ever known. Each time I tell them that I don’t think that I am all that strong, just like to help others before I help myself.

But looking back on everything I have gone through and how I have came out victorious every time, I guess I can admit that I am strong. At some point I just learn to say “hell no” to a lot of things. Its that first “hell no” that gives you your control back because its when you realized you lost it.

I know there are a lot of people out there who were in way worst situations and also others that were in similar ones to mine.

All I can say is get help if your situation is way worst. Find comfort in family and friends because you don’t deserve it. They shouldn’t be hurting you because that’s not what relationships are supposed to be. If your situation is similar to mine, it does help to get help. Someone will listen. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical, so don’t let anyone tell you differently.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from an abusive partner, please do not hesitate to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). To learn more go to You could save a soul, or even a life.

Share this story

  1. Great that you realized what is happening and saved yourself. I think it is wonderful that you share your story to encourage other women who are in the same situation. That way they see it can be done. Bravo!

  2. I’m getting out of one now. I go through days of wanting him to come back to enjoying being alone. The emotions afterwards are difficult to deal with, and sometimes, I don’t know which way is up.

  3. It takes serious bravery and strength to leave that kind of situation. No person can make you whole or make you feel beautiful. It comes from within, and I am so happy you found that.


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