“how you love yourself is
how you teach others
to love you”
― Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

Every one is so desperate for love.

They want it so badly, even if it comes from all the wrong places. They find love through the kiss of a punch or the slit of a tongue. Sometimes it is in the tears that they cry into their pillows every night. They are so desperate that they are content with how that love feels and have become accustomed to it.

This is why so many people fall for the ones that continue to hurt them.

And it comes from experience.

Which is why over and over again, when you talk to someone and ask them why they take the hurt that they do, it is normally accompanied by a look of disbelief. Like, “Is this not what love is? Because it is all I’ve ever known.”

And if you were to try to dive deeper into their being, you will probably find a history of undeveloped self love. They haven’t taken the time to develop love for themselves and therefor are unable to recognize how others should love them.

[Tweet theme=”basic-white”]“We accept the love we think we deserve.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower[/Tweet]

Most of the time they deem themselves as unworthy of decent human beings and see themselves as a burden.

As a result, that’s how others tend to see them too.

And the cycle continues of surrounding yourself with sub par people who don’t really want the best for you and don’t really know what love is themselves and are just as convinced as you that how they treat you is okay.

Which is why when people come to me upset and are wondering how to find someone that will love them unconditionally I immediately tell them, “It starts with you.”

You must fall in love with yourself.

Self love is magic.

Once you have identified what you are worth and stand by it firmly the rest of the world sees it too. You start to radiate such positive energy and start to only attract people that also give off positive energy. You also get rid of the people who only see you as a problem that they need to fix.

You will attract genuine love and support and that is when they will come.

Instead of you searching they will come into your life like the missing piece of the puzzle.

Waiting to be finished and glued together.

Falling in love with yourself allows you to continuously become the best version of you. Even while you are with someone else.

It is really hard at times to fall in love with yourself and just because you are does not mean you will completely rid yourself of sabotaging people. Because they will come, and they will want to drag you back down with them. But it will open your eyes to the world and know that it is large. This will not be the only person who loves you, this will not be your only job, this is not the end.

When your life has slowed down and you start to reflect on your journey you will realize that falling in love with yourself first, was the greatest thing you ever did.