I Don’t Even Know Anymore

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February 21, 2018

I put a lot of time and energy into this blog.

oh yeah, and money.

It seems like now a days I am unable to sit down and right a decent post. I feel like I am always whining or complaining. I was hoping that by this point, I would be on a different part of my journey.

Happier, love myself more, and mentally healthy.

However, I have found myself still at the very same spot I was when I first started.

Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with me really wanting to love my job. I work at a coffee shop now, so a step in the right direction. However, I find myself making juices and smoothies more than coffees and chilling. So there is that slight disappointment.

I just bought a car, (yes the pay is that good), so I will be able to travel now. 

So that’s really exciting. I live with Jon, which we have been waiting for so long to do.

Oh and I have purple hair, which is fucking awesome.

So what’s wrong with me? Why am I so unhappy?

I think I am thinking too much. And I am thinking too much about everything. I go to bed thinking and I wake up thinking about the same things.

Instagram is the major culprit.

I want: long blonde hair, pretty eyes, to travel, a VW van, a flat tummy, a fat ass, every single fujifilm lens, dreads, a slouchy hat, all the chunky sweaters in the entire world, to visit Hawaii and swim in the blue water, to ride a bike, plants everywhere, kids, a wedding, a romantic getaway, to see magical places, own a kayak, and own lots of animals. (Maybe a farm?)

That’s a long ass list.

I spend so much time thinking of all these things that I want, that I have been unable to look at all of the things that I do.

So here it goes, I have: A brand new car that I bought on my own, I work at a coffee shop, I make 3 times more in a month then I use to, a kickass Fujifilm, overalls, a loving boyfriend, a loving family, I live on my own with the love of my life, I have a year left of school, my many tattoos, hardly any debt, a love of coffee, a cool support system, a photography business, and purple hair.

Yet another long ass list.

So I have all of these things, my life isn’t too bad, and it can only get better. So for the next couple of months I am going to try my hardest to focus on the things that I have versus the things that I want and don’t have.

I have made a killer turn around to my life. I really need to use more of my time appreciating what I have and being grateful.

If you find yourself having the same problem as me, let’s take the time to reflect.

Reflect on what you do have, where you want to be in the future, or even how far you have come from where you were.

It’s time to have a better mindset for my present, to have a better future.

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