Anna: The Girl That Looks Like Me

“Self love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear. But you must come first.” ― Beau Taplin I had the honor of doing what was my second boudoir photo shoot where my subject was partially nude. Anna is a babe. She rocked every single thing I asked her to do. I was a little nervous, and I really wasn’t sure where the boundaries were. I treaded so carefully that there were times she shocked me! She is beautiful and confident, And she looked just like me. For the first time, I saw some of me within my subject. You always see the bigger girls that struggle with accepting themselves and being confident in their body. When I was younger, people use to make fun of me because I was so small. They always told me that I needed to eat more. That there wasn’t enough meat on my bones. So I never really thought my body was beautiful either. There was no confidence in being as skinny as I was. No one really understood either, because they thought I should be happy and that no one was making fun of my body. They couldn’t have been more wrong. So when I was shooting Anna I saw and felt what I wish more people could see. Even skinny women, have body issues. Anna showed me what being a confident skinny woman looked like. She showed me who I could be, if I just love myself a little more. She glowed without mercy. She’s just like me, and she is beautiful. & so am I. I would love to work with more beautiful humans! You can learn more here.

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I Need You: A Plea to my Inner Strength

I don’t always say it but when I do, just know I mean it. It isn’t something I like admitting because I feel like it makes me look weak. Don’t mistake this for weakness. I can live without you. If I have to, I will. But I don’t want to. Because that means that I would then forever be a shell of a person. I would have no will to do or to be anything. The bed would be my only friend and the darkness would probably be my lover. No one really wants to be around someone that doesn’t want to fight. Sometimes I feel like I am close to that person. Every time I get so sad that I cry everyday or every time I feel that ache in my chest for more. I want to give into the sadness and just lay there. Whatever happens, happens. I’m not where I want to be or who I want to be but working on me isn’t an option when there are so many others around me who need my attention. So I call to you and you wake up. But you are so disappointed in me because the call is not for me. It’s for others. And they eat you up, until you are too tired to keep going. Since it is not for me, you feel no need to fight either, and you fall back asleep. Until the next time. And the cycle continues. Sometimes you stay around, and we talk about me. It’s nice for a while. We talk about all of the things we wish to do. We sing our favorite songs, check off our to do lists, and plan for the future. Everything is so exciting. Until you once again are used for others, and are too tired to be with me. I know we have a lot of healing to do. But I miss you. I miss the fire you brought to my life. Every day I woke up with a new purpose and was eager to put on my clothes and sing with you. To laugh and dream. Because we are dreamers, you and I. We dream of the life we will live together 5 years from now. We are whole. I need you. I need you to not give up on us, on our future. I want the day to come when…

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Making Peace with my Past to have a Bright Future

I know you guys have read my posts, my past was freaking crazy. I had abusive boyfriends, friends that weren’t really friends, and had my dream until I had to completely give it up. For a while, I was completely defeated. There were times just thinking about the situations I was in completely overwhelmed me until I couldn’t breathe. My past was on it’s way to dictate my entire future. I wasn’t going to be with anyone or do anything as long as I carried it around. So what do you do when you want to move forward, but you are still carrying around your past? I will tell you one thing. You cannot just simply let it go. Letting things go works when you have maybe an ex that you just need to quit. But what I am talking about, is being knee deep in your past. Can’t go anywhere without being reminded of it, can’t quit any and all old habits, constantly in a depression from it. Like you’ve completely let it define you. The only thing you can do at this point, is make peace with it. That means, going through everything you’ve ever done, anything you’ve ever been through, and finally telling yourself that everything will be ok. You aren’t telling yourself what happened was right, or that it was your fault, or convincing yourself it never happened. One thing I have struggled with so much within the last 2 years was my failure to keep my dream. I literally beat myself up for 2 whole years after I came home and it completely wore me out. Some times I knew I needed to make peace with it but I just couldn’t let that connection to it go. Until recently, when I discovered I had new dreams. When I had realized I had a passion for houses and interior design, I could finally start making peace with not staying on the team. I had let go of one dream and found another. One night I sat down at my computer and went on the Tennessee softball website for the first time since I left. It was like having an intervention with myself. “That’s not your only dream. You have another. It’s okay, it just wasn’t meant to be.” Now I can cheer on my Vols without secretly wishing they would fail. (Yes I know I am…

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The One Thing You Need to Accomplish Anything

No, it isn’t magic, pixie dust, or luck. It’s actually something extremely simple and anyone can do it. All you have to do, is believe. No, I am not kidding. That is literally the secret to success. You see, it’s the backbone to anything you wish to succeed in. You will accomplish nothing if you do not believe you can. I mean, why are you even bothering yourself with it? You have a dream that you want to open a pastry shop, but don’t believe you ever be able to. You don’t believe in your ability enough to get that pastry shop one day. So why bother with having the dream? Seems silly really. I am a firm believer that if you believe in yourself nothing else will matter. Now I could be totally wrong about this. You may be in a situation or may can think of a situation where believing in yourself did nothing for you. That’s okay, I am not here to discredit you. All I am saying is, I had a dream and if it weren’t for me believing in myself, I would have never gotten there. (You and read about that journey here.) Granted, a lot of crap happened and I ultimately had to give it up, but I still made it there and even got the t-shirt. So it works, you just have to allow it to. You need to want to do for yourself before you expect it from others. Did you know that a lot of people have their own lives and will usually use that as an excuse as to why they don’t have time to care about yours? That has actually happened to me A LOT.  Want to know what helps? When you believe in yourself. People want to know that you are confident in yourself before they invest time in you. They want reassurance that you aren’t just depending solely on them. It’s kinda rude, I know, but it’s just how some people work. But can you really blame them? You want all of their time, but you don’t even believe that you will succeed, so why should they? well they should, but the point here is so should you. Whatever your dream may be. Whatever goal you may have. It’s awesome, because you’re awesome. Don’t just let it stay a dream though. Believe in your ability, your strength,…

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Life is Like a Roller Coaster

Life is like a roller coaster, but I don’t think people are riding the right one. I recently went to Six Flags America over the weekend and I had a blast. My boyfriend and I rode every roller coaster except one, had some Dippin’ Dots, and even took a picture with Daffy Duck and Porky the Pig. It was one of the best days I’ve had in a while. It was while waiting in line for Ride of Steel that my wheels started turning. (We waited in that line for a whole hour, so I had plenty of time to think.) People seem to always use the expression that life is like a roller coaster. They use it to describe life’s ups and downs. They happen in life and all we can do is ride it out. However, I don’t believe people are talking about the same roller coasters that I enjoy riding at the theme park. No matter what point I am at while I’m riding, I am filled with excitement. I want more. I am always happy to be riding it and firmly enjoy the thrills of the steep drops and twists. Even the other day when my glasses fell off my face, I was scared, but my boyfriend and I locked them in with our feet and I continued to even enjoy the loop. So here’s a question: Why aren’t we treating this roller coaster we call Life, like we are at a theme park? Even when we are experiencing ups and downs, we should still be enjoying the ride. At no point should we be waiting for the ride to go back up, but if we are, its because we can’t wait for the next fall. At no point should you want to get off. Take every twist, turn and loop with a smile. At least you are riding it. At least you haven’t stopped. So when things get a little hairy and you find yourself thinking, “Well life is like a roller coaster.” Take that next step and say, “I’m going to ride it like I’m at an amusement park.” If you can’t, do that, then maybe you’re riding the wrong one.

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