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I Need You: A Plea to my Inner Strength
my-inner-strength

I don’t always say it but when I do, just know I mean it.

It isn’t something I like admitting because I feel like it makes me look weak. Don’t mistake this for weakness. I can live without you. If I have to, I will.

But I don’t want to.

Because that means that I would then forever be a shell of a person. I would have no will to do or to be anything. The bed would be my only friend and the darkness would probably be my lover. No one really wants to be around someone that doesn’t want to fight.

Sometimes I feel like I am close to that person.

Every time I get so sad that I cry everyday or every time I feel that ache in my chest for more. I want to give into the sadness and just lay there. Whatever happens, happens.

I’m not where I want to be or who I want to be but working on me isn’t an option when there are so many others around me who need my attention.

So I call to you and you wake up.

But you are so disappointed in me because the call is not for me. It’s for others. And they eat you up, until you are too tired to keep going. Since it is not for me, you feel no need to fight either, and you fall back asleep.

Until the next time.

And the cycle continues.

Sometimes you stay around, and we talk about me.

It’s nice for a while. We talk about all of the things we wish to do. We sing our favorite songs, check off our to do lists, and plan for the future. Everything is so exciting. Until you once again are used for others, and are too tired to be with me.

I know we have a lot of healing to do.

But I miss you. I miss the fire you brought to my life. Every day I woke up with a new purpose and was eager to put on my clothes and sing with you. To laugh and dream. Because we are dreamers, you and I. We dream of the life we will live together 5 years from now. We are whole.

I need you.

I need you to not give up on us, on our future. I want the day to come when I don’t need to call you because you are already there. You will be present in everything that I do. I want to fight the darkness.

Not for anyone else, but for me.

And I know that is all you are waiting to hear.

 

Beautifully written. I thought about myself in many of these moments.

Thank you. It has been a trying couple of years.

This is so beautiful whilst brutally honest. You have a fantastic way with words. I really enjoyed reading this post.

Oh thank you that means a lot to me.

I agree with Zoe — this was a very honest read with a lot of deep emotion in your writing.

Beautifully written..so real and raw! I love the photos of the sunflowers!

This is so beautiful and brave. Thank you sharing this with us all.

This piece is very beautiful and deep. I look forward in reading your next post. Thanks for sharing.

Beautifully!! Very nicely written…some of the lines are so sweet and emotion at the same time. Well done

This is beautiful and vulnerable. It great how you can make your vulnerable beautiful in your wording. Good job!

Agree with the other commenters 100%—a very honesty, beautifully-written piece that is very relatable. I’m so grateful that you decided to put this “out there” and share.

Beautifully put. I was sucked in right away, didn’t want it to end! Your page is also so pretty!

Such a calm and serene read! Wonderfully written and makes us all think to a time in our lives where we can relate to this. Thanks for sharing.

Very evocative. I was on a hunt for my inner strength this weekend. It was an opportunity to examine what was making me feel so sad but I could do without doing it again for a while.

This is simply poetic. I found myself entranced by your writing and eager to see how it would all turn out. Very beautifully written.

Congrats on being awesome!! I chose you for my picks to receive the The Blogger Recognition Award Nomination!!! I went through a BUNCH of blogs and I thought yours was great I loved your style and most importantly your content!! Keep working hard because it is definitely paying off!! Check out my blog post with the steps of what to do next!

https://toomuchlemonade.com/2017/10/04/blogger-recognition-award/

I need you is so much harder to say than something like I love you. It takes a lot to admit our needs.

Yeah especially when you are suppose to be seen as the strong one.

That was incredibly raw and real. very beautiful and brave!

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