Making Peace with my Past to have a Bright Future
I know you guys have read my posts, my past was freaking crazy.
I had abusive boyfriends, friends that weren’t really friends, and had my dream until I had to completely give it up. For a while, I was completely defeated. There were times just thinking about the situations I was in completely overwhelmed me until I couldn’t breathe. My past was on it’s way to dictate my entire future. I wasn’t going to be with anyone or do anything as long as I carried it around.
So what do you do when you want to move forward, but you are still carrying around your past?
I will tell you one thing. You cannot just simply let it go. Letting things go works when you have maybe an ex that you just need to quit. But what I am talking about, is being knee deep in your past. Can’t go anywhere without being reminded of it, can’t quit any and all old habits, constantly in a depression from it. Like you’ve completely let it define you.
The only thing you can do at this point, is make peace with it.
That means, going through everything you’ve ever done, anything you’ve ever been through, and finally telling yourself that everything will be ok.
You aren’t telling yourself what happened was right, or that it was your fault, or convincing yourself it never happened.
One thing I have struggled with so much within the last 2 years was my failure to keep my dream. I literally beat myself up for 2 whole years after I came home and it completely wore me out. Some times I knew I needed to make peace with it but I just couldn’t let that connection to it go.
Until recently, when I discovered I had new dreams. When I had realized I had a passion for houses and interior design, I could finally start making peace with not staying on the team. I had let go of one dream and found another. One night I sat down at my computer and went on the Tennessee softball website for the first time since I left. It was like having an intervention with myself.
“That’s not your only dream. You have another. It’s okay, it just wasn’t meant to be.”
Now I can cheer on my Vols without secretly wishing they would fail. (Yes I know I am crazy aha). I could start wearing my Tennessee Softball shirts without having the purpose of wanting people to know that I played there. I could start really working on my future.
Because playing on that team, isn’t my future anymore and that’s okay.
Sometimes you just have to really sit and think about your past to come to an understanding. Making peace with it means that you no longer let it consume you to the point of depression. You’ll notice how little you talk about it, or even think about it for that matter.
So you know that guy that broke my heart, and when my parents got divorced, and when I was constantly bullied? I am a way different and better person now than I ever was then. All that stuff is over. Gone. Won’t be welcomed into my life anymore. I’ve made peace with it. There’s nothing I can do change what happened, so I’m not going to let it impact my future.
The only true way you’ll be able to let go of your past, is to make peace with it. Then you can look forward to a successful future.